Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Friday, June 05, 2009

It's All Kicked Off!

I don't often get to talk about my work - it chugs away nicely in the background, much like Lindsay Lohan on her bottles of 'water' when the press are watching. But this week was the culmination in a year-and-a-half's work (designing this bad boy) and getting ready for send-off. Ah, you'd think that the final week would be a delicate shade of easy, spent sipping cheap wine as you transfer all the files to a hard drive that a courier will pick up. Hopefully an attractive one. Who announces that he's going to need a sit down as his tree-trunk-like thighs have cramp, would you mind giving him a quick massage, and that he's always wondered what being with a man would be like. And I'd say 'wonderful'.

This is not the way, alas. The final week of these projects is file checking and compiling, which basically meant sitting at a computer and manually opening, checking and converting over a thousand files. And Adobe are no help: My and Photoshop's version of 'Automated Macro' differ considerably. It wants me to click and affirm these files like a needy child. I want it to bring me Pimms. All in all, I basically sat there as if it was the computer in 'Lost', entering 'yes' every 108 seconds.

Or Gaydar, come to think.

Anyway, all of this was very annoying because there was so much going on that I wanted to talk about!

THE UK GOVERNMENT

Whatever your political leanings, there's something delicious about the last days of an empire. And let me tell you, what's going on over here at the moment is just like the last five minutes of 'Blake's 7'! Everyone's resigning! Now I used to like Labour (our current government, overseas viewers) but after ten years of the same guy, he was ousted and his friend took control. I know we vote for the party over here, not the person, but there's just something slightly insidious about the way he stepped in and took power without the populous having a say. As a nation, Britain tends to dislike show-offs (we're always behind the Big Brother contestant who appears to be humbled by the whole thing, and vote out the show-offs) so there's a whole lot of indignant "Excuse me, and you are..?" from everyone. And besides, he looks like Baron Greenback from 'Dangermouse' when he's trying to think. Does not want.

SUSAN BOYLE

Poor love! Gone a bit screwy with all the attention - something that I can identify with. I mean, there was a time in a... lets call it a Gentleman's Recreational Health Club, when I was practically batting members away from me like a kitten on catnip. I think that its wonderful that she's had a bit of time out to be able to breathe; I had to do the same after an hour-forty of being what we call in the business 'air-tight'. Thank heaven I know circular breathing after five lessons on the bassoon - I have a feeling that if by some miracle I'd evolved a blow-hole there and then it would have been stuffed full in seconds. Oh, happy happy days.

DAVID CARRADINE

For scant seconds on the BBC News site, they were reporting that he was found in his hotel room hanged with 'a rope around his neck and genitals'. This went down fairly fast, but we al got the idea. Well sort of. I hope it wasn't a sex game. He was 72 for goodness sake. It'd be trying to squeeze mozzarella through an icing bag.
And that poor maid that found him, lets think about her. She probably thought that someone was drying jerky in the wardrobe until she got close.

And there we are. I'm off for a day off. Have a nice weekend, y'all.

3 comments:

ATG said...

"trying to squeeze mozzarella through an icing bag"...LOL!

Jonathan said...

What is that like?

Spike said...

there's just something slightly insidious about the way he stepped in and took power without the populous having a say

You gotta call him The Prime Minister We Had To Have. Like Keating.