Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Friday, July 24, 2009


It's probably typical Virgoan hypochondria, but I reckon I've had this swine flu for a fortnight now. But at a really low level, so there's no point bothering anyone with it - much less demanding the apparently rare drugs. And besides, 'Tammy Flu' is going to be my new drag name.

Well, see. I've been getting all they symptoms one after the other; serial rather than parallel. This last few days has been the joint pain, leaving me hobbling around like Dannii Minogue picking herself up off the pool table after that (alleged) incident with the rugby team. I was walking around the British Museum and my knee gave out, leaving me grabbing around for support. And that's how I came to be kneeding the tit of some Greek God in the Elgin Marbles, while rubbing my inner thigh and wincing. I tell you, it's shocking what they try and detain you for. Don't museum ushers hold your elbow really tight while they're escorting you?

Don't worry, as soon as I get the cough and the sore throat, I'm going to be straight onto that NHS hotline that's been set up and, according to the Daily Express (a rag so xenophobic they probably resent having to use black ink), entirely staffed by illiterate Polish men. Well, fancy! Sounds like heaven to me. Though the only words I know in Polish I've picked up from my Gentleman's Recreational Videos, so I'm going to have to modify "I've come to fix your boiler" to "Will you fix my throat?"

I'm sure I can piece it together somehow. Grin.

1 comment:

savante said...

Hope you're alright. Had a bunch of swine flu-ettes come by the hospital this afternoon as well.