Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

The Lost Symbol III

Sorry there was no update yesterday but seriously nothing is happening in this book. Here's what I can gather:

Robert Langdon is still in the Capitol building, and is joined by what I can only describe as a series of grotesque character traits on legs called Ms Sato, who comprises of a skin condition that makes her look like a mottled statue, a cancer scar across her throat, and the personal skills of K-Fed at an All You Can Eat buffet. Oh and as Dan Brown loves telling us the height of his characters, I now know that she is four feet ten. And that Langdon is over six foot. So when she first comes in and taps him on the shoulder she must have brought her own box to stand on.

Meanwhile Katherine Solomon has been sitting in her Lab of Cold Hatred and reminiscing about how she got her research project going. As far as I can tell, someone gave her a copy of 'The Secret' and told her to prove it with Science!, bless.

Oh and I forgot to mention Mal'akh, who appears to be the villain of the piece and thinks things like 'destiny's gravity brings you to me' which is sweet and proof that you can get work outside a Magic 8 Ball factory. He too has something going on with his skin - and is tattooed all over his 'powerful, six-foot-three frame' which makes me think that Dan Brown has something against people with skin conditions and affectations (cf The Albino from the previous book) as they're always vile. Hm. Well, destiny's gravity is driving him around Washington DC in a limo wearing a series of wigs and more make-up than Christina Aguilera on awards night. A well-muscled man, who's not on carbs for two days and not afraid of a little concealer, driving around town waiting for a man to call..? You can bet he set the TiVo for 'Glee' before he went out.

Meanwhile Langdon has found something tattooed on the palm of the severed hand that, if he turns upside down, I bet will say 'SSB XIII'. Oh and he's also got a hitherto unmentioned box in his bag that has come out of nowhere because the plot demands it. Bad Dan Brown! Bad! To your basket! If you need something that is integral to the plot you have to at least mention it a few pages before otherwise you look like some half-arsed hack making it up on the spot. Oh wait. Never mind.

More soon!


Tim said...

Is the box not the one that he stole of Ms Sato after she used it to raise her up to an appropriate height where she could tap him on the shoulder? I'm guessing he's easily startled by short women who tap him from behind and instinctively decked her before deciding to snaffle her box.

Or something.

Kathleen Bradean said...

I'm filling out your application for sainthood, since reading this for us has to be right up there with making the blind see and the lame interesting. The essay part is asking if you've performed any miracles. (There have to be witnesses willing to testify) Let me know if you remember any good ones.