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Friday, October 02, 2009

The Lost Symbol VIII

Right so this thing is really beginning to annoy me now as its shot past 'good-bad' and is heading right towards 'throw across the Tube carriage in disgust'. And I would have done just that if it wasn't a hardback and there was a nice man in tracksuit bottoms and while it would have been a nice way to introduce myself I'd rather he didn't know I was reading this utter rubbish. If you care about spoilers, you may want to stop now.

Basically, when we last saw Mary-Sue Langdon and the Speak & Spell with Lipstick, they were racing towards Mal'akh's apartment as Lipstick's handless brother had been held. But it turns out it was a cunning ruse and Mal'akh was still there after all, and he captures Lipstick and Mary-Sue Langdon, putting Langdon in a fiberglass tank that slowly fills with water.

And then Langdon drowns.

This I have no problem with as frankly he was boring me - it is what happens next that gets my goat. He starts hallucinating and wondering if there's an afterlife (just as Lipstick happens to be conveniently flashback to an experiment she did with an immortal soul in order for Brown to crowbar in his theories about the afterlife) when Langdon apparently dies. And you know what? He has a flashback to a lecture that his friend gave. I mean, really. If your life passes before your eyes when you're shuffled off this mortal coil, you'd hope that your last thoughts weren't of a lecture you had a few years back. I'd want happiness, romance, and a replay of when those two Australian dancers happened to be staying in digs just around the corner from my house for a whole month and we barely saw daylight.

But a lecture?

Even worse than that, having pages and pages of detail about what it was like to drown, it turns out that Mal'akh had filled the tank with the same breathable goo as they used on Elisabeth Mastrantonio in 'The Abyss' and everyone's fine by the start of the next chapter.

I mean, really. Gah!

Thank Cher I'm almost at the end.


jay.gallagher said...

you missed out 'The Lost Symbol VIII'... was that bit even more awful?

Rob said...

As the wonderful Dorothy Parker said in one review: "This is not a book to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force!"

I'm so glad you're putting yourself through this. Means I don't have to.

JahTeh said...

I appreciate the agony you are going through to save me A$39.95.

One reviewer said this book happens over 12 hours, what? Jack gets 24 for the beatings and drownings, talk about oneupmanship.

If it gets too distressing, take two men and continue in the morning er, that would be the book not the blokes.

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