Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Thursday, October 01, 2009

The Lost Symbol VII

So Robert Mary-Sue Langdon and the Speak & Spell with Lipstick have a stone pyramid, a capstone and the box it came in and are puzzling it all out how it could reveal the location of this mysterious spiral staircase that seems to have come out of nowhere. They're prodding it and poking it and trying to discover what secrets it hides and at no point has anyone considered putting the capstone on the pyramid? No they have not. Instead they decide to boil it in water after some tortuous route that reveals that Isaac Newton is the One True God of science yadda-yadda-yadda. Seriously these two are like the apes at the beginning of '2001' when it comes to problems. Still, boiling it actually reveals an address, so perhaps there's method in their poorly-written madness. I just hope the Speak & Spell with Lipstick never finds a lost dog and tries to find where that lives by cranking up the pasta saucepan...

What else is happening? Well, as Mal'akh isn't currently integral to the plot he's having purification ceremony after purification ceremony in excruciating detail - the level of detail that Dan Brown normally reserves for the rooms they're in. I do seriously wonder if Brown was an estate agent before he turned his crayons to writing as every building that we are lead into isn't described in any emotional or terms of spectacle, but rather floor space, how many windows and whether it has a south view in the morning. He only just stops short of telling us that the seller has no chain and pets are allowed within reason.

Then the vile Character Traits on Legs turns out to be on their side and proves this by taking Langdon and Speak & Spell into custody (I know) but I have long given up trying to understand her motives so I doubt I'd be surprised if she started doing a burlesque dance any minute because Brown needs to start riffing on how Isaac Newton once did drag on his own bridge in Cambridge and this has something do to with the Masons. Oh and the man with the severed hand from the first chapter has been found, so hopefully, the book is drawing to a close. Although there's about 200 pages left so Cher only knows what's going to fill those. I hope it's not an appendix of Brown's favourite restaurants in Washington or something as he'll just be forgetting about the food and telling us how many Corinthian columns he counted on the way to the toilet.

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