Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

The Lost Symbol X

And so we reach the finale of the book where the story has stopped three chapters previously, Langdon has managed to find his spiral staircase and the man who had his hand removed only hours before stop halfway down and discuss all sorts of theological issues for what feels like hours. He then buggers off and leaves the rest of his lecturing to his sister, the Speak & Spell with Lipstick, to pick up where he left off so Dan Brown can throw in all the rest of his research in and underline all his favourite bits from previous chapters. What remains is five or six chapters on how we are all Gods and isn't that lovely and why not have a slap on the back for being so clever. I haven't had such a forced upbeat ending since I went to group therapy that happened to be run by a former Butlin's Redcoat.

I still have no bloody idea what the lost symbol is. I shall pretend it's the silly little thing on the key below the Escape on your keyboard.

I think what I will primarily take away from this book is that it needed an editor, a sub-editor and much more Pam the air stewardess. I shall also take away the unmitigated joy at every character being so damn surprised about everything, and Brown expecting his audience to follow suit. I mean, one character opens a drawer and gasps at one point - and this constitutes the end of a chapter. Elsewhere, a minor character has been on the phone to the vile Character Traits on Legs in her helicopter, and expresses utter shock when the vile Character Traits on Legs phones her back from a rooftop. She genuinely thinks 'Director Sato is on a rooftop?!' like this means she's turned into Spider-Man and climbed up there herself. Every revelation is unveiled with characters having to pick their jaws off up the floor, and whether this is the discovery that an ancient pyramid has some symbols on the bottom, or that someone realizes an extractor fan is on in the kitchen. Thank heaven there wasn't a sex scene is all I shall say.

Bless you all for sticking with me though this. I'm now going to read something good. Or at least shorter. And with less pictures for once.


Dazskins said...

Please may we have a book review every month like this - it's not only made reading a best seller much easier for the 'limited of attention span' like myself, but I think you probably also made it 100% more interesting...

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