Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

The Nothing

Well, bang goes my new year's resolution of writing this more regularly.

Well, happy new year, darling readers. Welcome to the hopefully scandalous Twenty-Tens! I'm here due to slight insomnia and sudden reappearance of snow, I decided to trek into work early and get a bit of work done. Well, read that as 'a couple of rounds of Treasure Madness on Facebook, a nasty Starbucks coffee, and a long-overdue chat to you, my darling'. Hello!

I do love the snow in London, purely as it normally has the grace to fuck off after a day, leaving much less picturesque grey slush to tramp through. And it gives us, the uptight weather-fetishists that the English are, something to tut and fuss about and proclaim how long it took us to get into work in our Facebook updates, seemingly treating it like some sort of endurance competion you find on primetime ITV. "I spent 3 hours outside Worksop in a crowded carriage!" people are already telling me. Equally, transport companies seem to use this slight dusting of frozen water to demonstrate how the whole network is held together with rubber bands and luck, adding an extra fifteen minutes to any estimated tube arrival, slowly pushing crammed conveyances into each station, where people angrily shuffle forward, secretly delighting in that their otherwise dull journey with a Maeve Binchy has some sort of newly-prized goal to it.

The only delay to my journey was due to human error - in London, you stand to the right of the escalator, and walk down the left side, and the Lord God Cher help you if you don't. Some moron (see? I'm also delighting in my usually tiresome journey having a bit of spice in it!) didn't walk down, causing me to miss the train I would have clearly gotten if he'd Obeyed The Rules. I thus had a seven minute delay instead of the usual three. I decided it was a 'Sliding Doors' moment, fantasising what could or would have happened if I'd made that train, but then realised that my life not that interesting to have dramatic change thrust upon me by a whole seven minutes differeence, and that was it. And yet I was still cursing said moron as I arrived into work quite safely quite before time; I hate people who don't know how to use London. My attitude to them is wholly "put it down, you'll only break it."

Still, there's the return journey to look forward to - already I can hear Twitter streams warming up for the combined wrath. My dear boyfriend hopes I don't get trapped, although I misheard his parting cry as "I hope you don't get raped!"

I thought, I know London is apparently two meals away from being feral, but really. All that'd happen if I was set about on the tube is the person behind would tut and tell you to move down the carriage more, mentally composing their blog entry about how rubbish London is in the snow.

And yes, I'm aware of the irony.

3 comments:

Harriet said...

oddly enough, the only time I have ever gotten a train on-time there and back was on the snowiest day; bristol to stafford and back without a hitch!

Frank said...

Happy New Year!

Boz said...

Damn tubes. Seven days of practical snow. Not a single delay. I had to go to work..