Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Sunday, June 06, 2010

Millennium



Well, will you look at that..! There's a dastardly pink counter on this Blogger desktop that tells me that This Very Post is my one thousandth entry into the blogosphere. How fancy! I think we should celebrate, don't you? Strike up the piano, let's have a bit of a champagne and a sing-song before the usual happens: I get a bit too drunk and end up waking in an alleyway, wiping some stranger's glop the back of my legs with a McDonald's napkin. And as we've reached the millennial posting, here's some other numbers that have made up the last 999 posts...

I won two awards! That was a shock, because I do just do this to amuse myself; anyone else getting a laugh out of it is a bonus. But yes, proper awards! I didn't even prepare a speech. They were quite prestigious too.

One Christian website tried to buy us. No, no its true. We once had a very strange phone call from an American gentleman who offered to 'sponsor' us, as long as we started covering one or two topics they decided upon, and "toned down the gay stuff". Oh honey, if we toned down the 'gay stuff', you'd get three lines about Girls Aloud, and that would be mostly about how band member Nicola has all the dancing grace of a dog in high heels.
With a bit of digging, we discovered our mysterious benefactor was part of a Christian web ring, leading to the conclusion that The Illuminati were trying to shut us down! A fanciful leap, if you will, but then I think you'll find that 'The Da Vinci Code' was all the rage at the time.

I've had a grand total of two stalkers. Clear proof that the cult of celebrity can affect anyone (though we've had fewer offers of free facials and goodie bags from, say, Grazia Magazine I'm looking at you) turns out that my silver tongue and tiny profile pic in the corner is enough to get anyone fizzing at the bunghole and decide to wait outside the office I was working in to, well in one case give me flowers and profess their undying love; while the other one threatened to kill me. The police were swiftly called and he was dealt with in a unusually expedient manner.

I've had three boyfriends since I started. Bless two of them. Of course in the gaps were several also-rans, and innumerable Gentlemen Callers who incidentally taught me "I'm cumming..." in lots and lots of languages. There was that joyous summer where my front porch saw more foreign footfall than the UN building in New York. Understandably, those numbers I'm a bit hazy on.

I've spent a grand total of one morning working on a film set, met Doctor Who while he battled Daleks in Manhattan, had a piece of artwork I'd done appear on the BBC News site and in several newspapers, been threatened with legal action once, bought Kate Mulgrew a schooner of wine (and watched her glug it in one as I walked away), got one cat (who's currently on my lap and going to town on herself like no-ones business. I mean really. She's lapping away at her twinkle with all the vim and vigour as a secretary at a Muller Lite yogurt), been interviewed by people for their dissertations on blogging and had strangers shake my hands in bars because I'd made them laugh so much at work that they'd snotted tea. That's a pretty cool list, if you ask me.

And its taken seven whole years to get this far. I know other people pump these things out, their fingers dance across the keys like Jennifer Beals in her audition try-out, but I'm a sedentary creature. I take time to write, mostly because I have the attention span of a oooh look, someone's sent me an email with a link to some free porn and possibly an off-shore African bank account. I must assist!
You see? It's a slow process for me. But I love it so. You can't do all those things listed and not believe you're doing OK, can you. So thank you for sticking with me through all these. A thousand more? Oh go on then..!

Now, where's my champagne? Mummy needs her medicine...

13 comments:

Rai said...

Congratulations on 100 posts! x

Rai said...

*1000 :3

Frank said...

Hip hip HOORAY! Hip hip HOORAY! And now for a rousing rendition of "For He's A Jolly Good Fellow (Which Many Gentlemen Callers Can't Deny)!"

Kathleen Bradean said...

You've made me laugh at least a hundred times.

rodriguezp said...

easier said than done. 一起努力吧! ....................................................

JahTeh said...

Keep up the good work, the writing work I mean. You've cheered up many dark corners of my life as I've followed you down many dark alley ways. You've made me glad to be straight, it seems awfully strenuous being gay.

RoseH_Huls21365 said...

一沙一世界,一花一天堂,掌中握無限,剎那即永恆......................................................................

Ellie said...

I'm glad the Christian's didn't put you out of business. x, e

靜如 said...

這BLOG真是讓人意猶未盡!!

Spike said...

Bit late I know but congratulations on the 1000th. You are truly fabulous.


word verif: fupgunks

Fed up to the fupgunks perhaps?

Bruce said...

darling,

oh well damn. i forget you hate that. i tip a pony of whatever-this-is in your direction.

how long ago did we dish the plastic-cube-over-the-thames show off? don't answer that.

you're pretty wonderful!

bruce

قمم تميز said...

شركة تنظيف بالدمام نقوم بجميع أعمال النظافة باحترافية افضل شركة تنظيف بالخبر تقدم كافة خدمات التنظيف باستخدام احدث المعدات والمنظفات العالميه والايدى العامله شركة تنظيف منازل بالدمام المدربه وصاحبة الخبره الطويله فى مجال التنظيف. شركة تنظيف منازل بالخبر من الأشياء التي لا يمكن الاستغناء عنها لكل منزل أو شقة أو فيلا هو التنظيف شركة تنظيف منازل بالدمام ولكل أسرة مستوى معين من النظافة ترغب دائما في الوصول إليه مهما كلفها من ثمن، ولكن بالطبع ... شركة تنظيف منازل بالجبيل

قمم تميز said...

شركة قمم التميز لمكافحة الحشرات بالدمام والخبر والإحساء هي أفضل شركة مكافحة حشرات بالدمام وواحدة من أهم الشركات التي تعمل في هذا المجال بالمنطقة افضل و اضخم شركة مكافحة حشرات بالدمام وبالخبر تتميز بانه يتوفر عندها مجموعة مميزة و متنوعة من اقوى المبيدات الحشرية شركة مكافحة حشرات بالخبر نحن نضع صحتك وصحة أفراد أسرتك في المرتبة الأولى لذا فإننا في شركة مكافحة حشرات بالدمام نحرص على استخلاص المواد الآمنة على صحة الإنسان في شركة رش مبيدات بالدمام لاسباب كثيره ومنها التخلص نهائيا من الحشرات الطائره والزاحفه ومكافحة الصراصير والنمل الابيض والفئران وبق الفراش شركة رش مبيدات بالخبر شركة مكافحة حشرات مجربه , افضل شركة مكافحة حشرات بالدمام رخيصة , شركات رش مبيدات بالدمام عمالة فلبينية , شركة الفرسان مكافحة حشرات شركة مكافحة حشرات بالخبر شركة رش مبيدات بالدمام تستخدم مبيدات خاصة لمكافحة الحشرات الزاحفة كالنمل والصراصير وهذه التركيبات خاصة بالشركة، وهي تخضع للتجارب شركة رش مبيدات بالدمام عميلنا العزيز هل ترغب في شركات متخصصة برش المبيدات وبدرجة امان عالية وباسعار مميزة شركة رش مبيدات بالخبر