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Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Fashion Is Going To The Dogs

Of course, the only reason we had to get out of London is that the Wife was having one of his... turns. He'd just saw his seventh poncho of the morning, and he just, well, snapped.

I'm not sure what his aversion to the equivalent of wearing a dog blanket around your neck actually is. But as we oft gaily walk along London's glorious South Bank taking in the sights, there's not a ten minute period without him shouting "PONCHO!" and pointing at some bedecked woman like she's just given birth to a goat. Well, if you can't beat them, join them say I - and my rub is the multitude of lady joggers who grace the side of the Thames, bounding along without the hint of a sports bra.

Well, it is most unladylike. There you are, enjoying the centuries-old historical majesty of St Paul's when a glut of overweight maidens huff their way past, jiggling like a birthday blancmange accidentally left on your Zanussi. So, while he's there loudly indicating the fashion mistake of the last year, I'm yelling "SPORTS BRA!" in return to the unenlightened lasses.

How the hours do dance by, I can say.

Of course, being an educated Creature of Light that he is, The Wife also detests the way that the glorious fashion house Burburry has fallen in with the chavish, market-buying Croydonites of the parish. What was once a brand Madonna enjoyed has fallen into the oil-stained hands of the car-stealing council house dwellers. He also takes great joy in pointing out those sporting such knocked-off rubbish to all that will listen. Although this happened Saturday morning:

"Lee," he hissed, raising his stun umbrella. "Look."

I turned to see a woman leaning against some railings, wearing a hooded poncho. In Burberry.

And that's why we left the city for a bit.


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