Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Friday, December 18, 2009


For some reason, whenever we have snow, everyone starts dressing like a lesbian.

I'm taking this unusually festive weather as a personal affront to my hatred of Christmas. While everyone is giddily skipping around and talking about watching 'The Box Of Delights' for the umpteenth spin (Children's BBC drama that I missed the first time around, rendering it meaningless to go back and try and capture some 'child-like' wonder of a slack-jawed youth running around the snow in pajamas) I'm content with treating the holidays like the inevitable disappointment they will be. This year I am seeing Christmas very much like that kind of cold that hangs around in your system: you know it's coming and no matter what you do to ward it off, it'll arrive, you won't be able to leave the house for any length of time, and you'll feel miserable. Proper under-the-weather miserable.

My friends clearly like the challenge of trying to cheer me about this, and question why on earth that I, the apparent heir to all that is gay, Takes Against a period where everything is bedecked in glitter and sparkle. Well, the crux of that is that I believe that everything should look like this anyway! I mean, how fabulous does the High Street look near you? Twinkling away like John Barrowman's nether-mouth just out of Make-Up? It's glorious. And while I know I should be revelling in it now, I'm just horribly aware that its going to get ripped down just afterwards and everything is going to go back to looking as plain as Jennifer Anniston without her haircut.

Instead I shall be bolting the doors to all visitors on Christmas Eve. I'd even go as far as setting up some hot oil for over the portcullis, but one feels that if there is any hot oil in the house, it should be used on split ends. After all, we must put glamour before anything else, mustn't we?


Rob said...


Mind you I don't care much for Christmas itself either.

I just like the fact I don't have to be at work, so that'll do me. (The drinking too much and eating too much is like the rest of the year, really.)

Happy Hot Oiling Holiday!


Ste Hannigan said...

As much as I hate it, I'm looking forward to a little sparkle to take away the greyness and dull everydayness of life. It's the holiday and time to spend away from the day to day problems of work that count!

Keep them coming, your blog and tweets make me smile

JahTeh said...

Three days until Jollyredsuitfatman is supposed to give out goodies and my presents are I.O.U.s for sometime in July.
Still it's fun having lunch at the nursing home with mother just to see who falls face first in the pudding.

Ellie said...

I always dress like a lesbian.

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