Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Friday, March 01, 2013

Of Fennel and Fisting



So much has changed since I was dating previously, like the invention of Grindr, the automobile and penicillin. It seems that the mobile gay-on-the-go facility just gives Gentlemen Who Can't Catch a chance to be flakier at a distance accurate to plus or minus 65 meters. And they are even more demanding too: conversation is often limited to a couple of letters and numbers, a demand for cock shots and then delivery of a postcode and before any rational sense takes you, you've dabbed your undercarriage with a Johnson's Wet Wipe and are on a bus to Streatham.

I was summoned to an orgy in this manner one Saturday morning. I was on the day shift; apparently they'd been at it since 8pm the previous night, whereas I'd spent a lovely evening with a decent bottle of red and a jigsaw of Balmoral castle. As an aside, do you know the Queen is a member of a jigsaw club? I love the idea that she'd done the same one as me, nudging Phil and pointing at the picture, "I told you the guttering needs painting." Anyway, they'd been lazily shagging for a good 18 hours before I'd arrived... The men, not Phil and Liz. And it transpired that you can't really do anything for that length of time without it becoming boring and having to dress it up anyway you can in order to keep it fresh. To my left was a man apparently getting MDMA inserted up his backside, to my right someone being paddled with some MDF. The hosts offered me some drugs put I declined; my history with narcotics is not a pleasant one and I get a come-down off Night Nurse. So I Just Said No, or as my mother politely taught me: just say no, thank you, it looks delicious but I'm as full as an egg.

In retrospect, I don't think you can't really do bacchanalian in Balham. The hosts buzzed around making sure everyone's glasses were topped up which was fine if they weren't tapping on your shoulder while you were being bookended by two men. "Oh do pop out and have some of the lamb casserole if you're peckish. The fennel's from the back garden," he trilled, moving through people with the seasoned ease of an air steward as his partner was nuts deep in a newcomer.

By this point I'd been there for two hours, so they'd been at it for at least 20. I doubt people were tired of the current cut-and-shunt going on, but the host was most insistent on keeping everybody buoyant by any means necessary. "Oh we'll be at this all weekend," he confessed. "Mario and I -" he laid a hand on his partner's sweating shoulder swinging back and forth "- we've had everybody over." I politely emptied my mouth before asking who.

He loaded up Grindr, Scruff and then a couple of sites on his laptop I'd never heard of and pointed over and over, with the running commentary usually going "He's been over, he has an ENORMOUS penis. Oh and he's been over. Also enormous, eh Mario? Mario..? Well anyway, he may be coming along later. And he..." It went on and on and on. Pages and pages of people, face, chest and dick shots, all tagged and collated. It was like a gay Pokémon collection.

I came and went as it was all a bit too strange if I'm honest. I kept wondering about the conversation between the host and his partner about what colour bedsheets they should get for the sex room. I imagine the host gunning for purple because it matched the Venetian glass they'd bought on holiday, whereas his partner would have been utterly indifferent. As it was it was a huge mistake: 20 hours in and it looked like someone was slowly finger-painting little silvery maps of the Philippines on them.

I imagine after the weekend you could have sold it a Jackson Pollack print.

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1) ควบคุมด้วยระยะทาง ทุกระยะห่างจากต้นกำเนิดเสียง ความดังของเสียงจะลดลง อาทิ หากที่ดินของบ้านอยู่ติดถนนหรือบริเวณที่มีเสียงรบกวน อาจจะต้องวางตำแหน่งอาคารให้ไกลออกจากถนนให้มากเท่าที่จะทำได้
2)หลีกเลี่ยงบริเวณที่เสียงกระทบโดยตรง อาทิ การทำแผงหรือผนังกันเสียง ซึ่งอาจเป็นผนัง แนวรั้ว แนวต้นไม้ ที่จะช่วยกั้นเสียงและลดความเข้มของ เสียงโดยตรงก่อนที่จะที่จะถึงอาคาร
3) การวางผังอาคาร โดยให้พื้นที่ใช้สอยส่วนที่ไม่ต้องการความเงียบมากเป็นตัวป้องกันเสียง หรือกำหนดตำแหน่งช่องเปิดของอาคารหลีกเลี่ยงแนวทางของเสียง
4) การเลือกใช้วัสดุกันเสียงให้กับกรอบอาคาร
อาทิ การบุฉนวนใยแก้วให้กับผนังกรอบอาคาร การเลือกใช้กระจกสองชั้น หรือการใส่ฉนวนกันเสียงให้กับส่วนหลังคาอาคาร

ส่วนการป้องกันเสียงจากภายในอาคาร จะแบ่งเสียงภายในออกเป็น 2 ประเภท คือ เสียงโดยตรง(Direct Noise) และเสียงสะท้อน (Reverberant Noise) สามารถที่จะป้องกันเสียงได้ด้วยวิธีต่างๆ ดังนี้

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Summers can be very much fun for your dogs, especially if you have made the right preparations for them in advance. It will include buying them Dog boots and shoes, it may look like a kind of swanky option to get into the market but their sole purpose is to protect their delicate feet rather than just being a fashion statement.

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Customer Support | Live Chat Service said...

How can I Change Email Signature in Outlook?

It is always suggested to keep your Signature up-to-date. If you don't know How to Change Email Signature in Outlook, follow the steps mentioned here. Click File > Options > Mail > Signatures. Now, choose the Signature you want to edit or change. Make your changes in the Edit signature box. When you are done with the changes, select Save and then OK.

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Customer Support | Live Chat Service said...

How do I disable Incognito mode on Chrome on iPhone?

To disable incognito mode Chrome iphone follow the steps mentioned here. Open the Chrome app on your iPhone, and at the bottom, tap Switch tabs, then swipe right to see your open Incognito tabs. Now, find the tab you want to close, and at the top right of the tab, tap Close. This will disable the incognito mode temporarily.

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Customer Support | Live Chat Service said...

How do I change Yahoo password on iPhone?

Setting a password while creating Yahoo mail is not enough. You must keep changing Yahoo passwords consistently. If you don't know how to change Yahoo password on iphone, follow the steps mentioned here. First of all, tap the Menu icon. If you are using the Yahoo Mail app, tap Manage Accounts. After this, tap Account info and then Security Settings. Enter your security code and tap Change password. Then, tap I would rather change my password. Lastly, enter the new password, and its confirmation and tap Continue.

Also Read:-

How to Change Gmail Password on iPhone


Unknown said...



Check this website for Orbi App Download for Windows PC. You can download Orbi App for Windows 10 computers. But in case you are using the previous version of Windows like Microsoft Windows 7 or Windows 8 then I have shared the download link for that also.

Unknown said...


Download Nighthawk App for Computer for Windows 10. Check all the steps to download and install Nighthawk App for Windows 7, Windows 10 and Windows 8 computers.

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